Holiday Survival Advice

Amazingly enough, you will RARELY get such advice from someone still struggling with infertility.  I read this with great interest and the stirrings of……something.  Until I got to the bottom and saw the author has created her family via adoption and egg donation, and I immediately soured on it.  Because of course!  Of course she can dispense such advice!  She’s come out the other side.  Shes no longer struggling.  She’s got the one thing I need to bring peace, love, joy and hope back into my life.  She’s got a FAMILY.  But here at the Hopeful (hopeless?) Hearts? It’s just me and Mr Heart.  We’re a couple.  And a couple isn’t a family.  I’m sorry…..please don’t try to convince me otherwise.  I’ve been in a childless coupledom for over a decade now and I know there is no similarity in celebrating the holidays as a family for a couple. So I’m not as receptive to anything she has to say now.

Link to full article here…thrive
Here’s the thing:  I used to LOVE the holidays.  Loved them.  Everything.  The decor, the songs, the feeling of generosity and good will.  Now?  I hate the holidays.  Hate them.  With s purple passion.  While it’s not quite as bad here in Oz as it is in the US, from the time Halloween pops its head up until New Years Day has passed, the holidays are nothing more to me than a screaming-in-my-face reminder of what we’re missing:  a family of our own.   Infertility has broken me so badly that I’m not even sure if having a family could conjur up the good feelings I used to get.  Sometimes broken things really can’t be fixed.

We have family, yes.  All people with their own families.  And we’re always invited to spend holidays with them.  Pity invites.  Third wheels.  Hangers on.  Oddballs.  There……but not really part of it.   There…..separated by the haves and have nots.  Whether that’s accurate, or only how it feels to me, is irrelevant.  It IS how it feels to me.  That’s how it feels to me, because that’s my reality.

So, I loathe the holiday season and if the opportunity to be put into a 3 month long coma were available?  I’d snap it up, in a heartbeat.  As it is, all I can do is try to find ways to cope until it’s over for another year.  Every year it gets a little harder, so evey year I have to go to further lengths.  It’s getting to be very exhausting.

Eventually I am literally going to have to live under a rock.


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