The 12 Months of TTC:  An Infertile Carol

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Right.  So.  I’m trying really hard to be in a better head space.  And a better mood.  Get back some Christmas spirit (because infertility has, over the years, chipped and chunked away at it, like a prisoner with a sledge hammer sentenced to hard labour in a quarry, and my Christmas spirit is a  boulder of, I don’t know, chalk.  To say my spirit is in smithereens would be generous), I’m attempting to find humorous, or at least ironic (and sarcastic, because that’s my second language!) POVs about being infertile during the holidays.

I have dug deep into my bag of tricks (about the size of a zip lock baggy).  And I have found some leftover remnants of clever brilliance (don’t laugh, I knew these scraps would come in handy for SOMETHING).  With it, I have created a masterpiece that is going to earn me a Grammy.  Or at the very least a pie in the face.  (Make it pumpkin, please.  I like pumpkin pie.)

To the tune and (approximate) tempo of that time honoured holiday classic, The 12 Days of Christmas, I give you

The 12 Months of TTC

In the first month of TTC, I remember this was me…
I stopped taking my BCPs!

In the second month of TTC, I remember this was me…
I modified my diet
Oh, and I’m still not taking BCPs!

In the third month of TTC, I remember this was me…
I started temperature charting
Remodified my diet
Yes, I’m sure I stopped taking BCPs

In the fourth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Tracking cervical mucous
Still temperature charting
Re-remodified my diet
NO, I’m not taking BCPs

In the fifth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Reeeeeee-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!!
Still tracking cervical mucous
Faithfully temperature charting
Re-re-remodified my diet
I wonder if it’s because I took BCPs?

In the sixth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Added acupuncture
I’m re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!! 🙂
Still tracking cervical mucous
Still temperature charting
Tried a whole new diet
I’m sure it was those BCPs…..

In the seventh month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Went and had some blood work
Enjoying acupuncture
I am re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!! 😐
Tracking cervical mucous
Still temperature charting
Blew my stupid my diet
I’m not taking anymore BCPs

In the eighth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Got a script for Clomid
Went and had more blood work
Look forward to acupuncture
I AM re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!! :/
Added Pre-seed to cervical mucous
Stuff the temperature charting!
Back on the stupid diet
I’m blaming years of BCPs!

In the ninth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Had a hysteroscopy
Higher dose of Clomid
Did a ton of blood work
Losing faith in acupuncture
Stop suggesting re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!!
Hostile cervical mucous
Gave up temperature charting
Sick of this damn diet!
Might as well be back on BCPs!!

In the tenth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Got sent to a Repro Endo
Had a hysterosalpinogram
Prescribed some new fert drugs
Went and had MORE blood work
Gave up on acupuncture
YOU TRY re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!!
Don’t bother tracking cervical mucous
Laugh at temperature charting
Totally blew my diet
Oh, and I’m back on the BCPs!

In the eleventh month of TTC, I remember this was me…
IVF cycle busted
Went back to Repro Endo
Had a laparoscopy
Changed up all my fert drugs
That’s right, more blood work
I miss my acupuncture
It actually was re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!!
Producing NO cervical mucous
Deleted app for temp charting
Diet?  Diet schmiet…..
Can’t believe I’m TTC on the BCPs……

In the twelfth month of TTC, I remember this was me…
Diagnosed infertile
IVF cycle 2 busted
Repro Endo baffled
Counselling recommended
Take a break from fert drugs
Honestly…..more blood work?
Went back to acupuncture
It’s sooooooo re-la-ax-ingggggggg!!!!
Where’s my cervical mucous???
Temperature?  No, a hot flush
Really need to diet
What’s the point of taking BCPs?

Obviously, this isn’t QUITE how it went for me.  It took me years to get a fertility specialist to do anything beyond advise me to lose weight.  I mean, I’ve been at this for 12 years, not months.  But the above comprises the endless headscratching and beard stroking that one does when TTC after a year, when you’re TTC as an infertile.

Anyway, just a little humour and hopefully you found it mildly amusing.  🙂

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3 thoughts on “The 12 Months of TTC:  An Infertile Carol

  1. Not that my dx means anything for your dx, but I have had soul-crushing unexplained implantation failure too, and I just had an ERA biopsy come back that shows my receptivity window is late. It’s the ERA, out of Spain. Even my very scientific and famous doctor who calls most things “voodoo” says this test is valid. Just something to consider!

    Liked by 1 person

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