Apologies and Goodbyes

Wow.  I didn’t realise how much I had neglected this blog until now.  And in doing so, neglecting the people who chose to follow me, and I them.  I’m sorry.  I can’t even feign that I’ve been too busy to blog.  I admit it:  I’ve been cheating on WordPress……with Instagram, which is a better place for micro-blogging plus easier to ad a visual aide and edit the post.  And I don’t have to approve comments.  And…

Anyway, I cheated, and I’m sorry.  Sorry I haven’t been around to read your posts and comment or commiserate.  I just…….well I just didn’t feel like coming here.    It’s too depressing, and quite frankly I don’t need to visit this depressing place to be depressed.  I’m already there at any given time.

my journey to motherhood is over.  And so there’s no need for me to continue to blog here.  There is nothing left to say. It’s over. But I’m not deleting it.  I’m going to leave it, in case any small part of it comes in handy for someone.  I can’t imagine it will.  But you never know.  Plus, I think my holiday TTC carols are kinda funny.

For those of you who followed, I thank you.  For those who contacted me and offered support, I thank you.  It didn’t go unnoticed and it didn’t go unappreciated, no matter how it may have seemed.

Wishing you all the best on your journey, whatever stage you are in.  Xx

 

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6 thoughts on “Apologies and Goodbyes

    • Thanks darl. I’m still on IG, only now under a new name (which you know!). So happy that your dreams finally came true. I read your struggles but know that once you get on top of it, things will be fine. xx

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I’m so sorry your journey is over. I just briefly wanted to share that adoption is an amazing way to build your family. I would know, my 6-month old is adopted! If motherhood is your heart’s desire, don’t let go.

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    • Hi there. Thanks for that, I appreciate it. Adoption would be a lovely way to go and something I am open to, alas it isn’t an option for us. There’s not really any adoption within Australia, and there are only a handful of international programs that Australia has. And we qualify for none anyway because we’re too old. We were too old years ago. The last time I checked on them, most of them were “on hold indefinitely” (which is basically closed without saying so in so many words), some were “not accepting new applications” (again, doesn’t that mean it’s closed), the rest were “Closed” (meaning, no longer an approved, available program with Australia. And who knows who decides these things.

      Motherhood is my hearts strongest desire……but I didn’t let go – it was taken from me. Jerked from my death grip, leaving my hands like my heart: ripped open, bleeding non-stop, hurting, burning, and empty.

      And foster care? No thank you. Please don’t throw me that dried up, gnawed out, old bone. Not that you were, but on the off chance that you might…..I know what my limits are and foster care is well beyond them.

      I’m glad you were able to achieve motherhood via adoption. It’s a wonderful option. xx

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      • No, I personally would never suggest foster care to someone. I think that’s a calling people come to on their own. It’s beautiful and fulfilling for them but not for everyone. It wasn’t for us and it shouldn’t be. It should be for people who truly believe in the reunification process and can return the children they have loved. We had it recommended to us many times and each time we felt selfish saying we wanted a baby that was OURS. May I ask why there isn’t domestic adoption in Australia? I’m just really curious. Please know I’m thinking of you and I understand your pain even if we are in different places.

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  2. I agree about the foster care, and I admit that my selfishness is the biggest hurdle. I want my own children. To be foster care is not in any way shape or form a kind of parenting ir damily building. It is a role of caring for someone else’s child temporarily (although sometimes long term), and nothing more. Yes, you may build a bond, yes you may consider them to be your kids, but they aren’t and it’s just that simple. It’s basically a form of babysitting. (For any foster ‘parents’ who bay becreadingbthus, please don’t higher blasting me with how I couldn’t be more wrong bush blah. This is MY take on it, how I view it. If you feel differently, fine – but we will never agree so please move along.)

    Technically speaking, there is adoption within Australia. There us a program. BUT (there’s always s but), it’s not what anyone thinks of when they hear “adoption”. I’ll start with some figures. Last year, there were 203 domestic adoptions. Sounds pretty good hey? It’s not. If those 203, nearly 2/3 were step parent afooting step child or aunt n uncle adopting neice/nephew – interfamily legalisation. Of the remaining 1/3ish the rest were carers adopting their long term care placements. The number of adoptions that took place between previously unknown/unlinked parties ;as in traditional adoption)? Less than 10. But there are over 50,000 children languishing in foster care, more than half of which are permanently wards of the state. The reason for this? The Stolen Generation and history of forcing single mothers to give up their babies in the 69s, 60s, and 70s. Australia “learned” from its horrible mistakes, by which I mean that rather than say, ‘You know that was a real balls up, how can we do it differently so people aren’t left traumatised and a used?’, they chose to say ‘Wow, we did some really despicable things were ashamed of so hopefully if we go in the complete opposite direction and just pretty much get rid of adoption altogether, so that it “balances out”. I mean legislation reads a bit differently, but that’s what’s happened in practice.

    Of course, the availability of birth control and better sex ed help curb the incident if unplanned pregnancies. Where it doesn’t, abortion is now legal, widely available, and more acceptable (because it’s now termed a termination). the stigma of the single unwed mother is virtually gone now, and the State has implemented massive support programs so people don’t need to give up their babies. Hardly anyone is looking at the their reality and situation and saying, I could do best by this baby by allowing it to be loved and raised by another mother/father/family……then the proverbial hits the fan because they were entirely unprepared to become a parent, and children wind up “in the system”. But ohhhhhhhh we MUST NOT make the mistakes of the past, oh no no no! Nap the child us pushed from pillar to post, because trying to force reunification (that often SHOULDNT happen) to the detriment if EVERYTHING else.

    Of course, there are so few int’l programs “because we have a disproportionate number of children in care” and “charity begins at home”. Ummmm…….ok, but if you’re not going to ALLOW the children in care to be adopted…..

    So basically Australia is, pardon my language, one big fucked up adoption shit fight that nobody wants to deal with because it’s too messed up and too hard to fix and it’s much easier to leave it like it us (broken), because we were bad in the past and change is scawwy.

    I love Australia in every way EXCEPT the adoption debacle. When it comes down to adoption? This place is the biggest shit hole 10th rung of hell.

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